Whilst writing my last post, I didn’t fully consider how it may come across to some people as I recorded what happened between my husband and I.
I’ll say this once: WE DO NOT HAVE A VIOLENT RELATIONSHIP.
My husband told me that I wasn’t “going anywhere,” because he didn’t know if he’d see me again if I left.
I’m perfectly free to come and go from our home as I please, so long as I’m not having an extremely low depressive episode – because, ya know, the suicidality can be strong with me during those times.
My reaction was to get away because I didn’t want my family to see me in that awful state, I guess. I don’t fully know what was going through my mind at that point.
All I know is that I was determined to go. That’s why my husband wouldn’t let me past him, that’s why I pathetically swung my purse at him a couple of times (I’m the size of a middle schooler, so there’s that).
He didn’t tackle me, throw me over his shoulder, or body slam me onto our couch.
He just picked me up and sat me down.
That entire interaction probably took place over the course of 35 seconds.
I only write this because some people have been asking him if we’re OK.
WE are fine.
Anyone who knows what it’s like to struggle through mental illness or have a loved one who does more than likely gets it.
For some reason unbeknownst to me, I have been given his love, and it’s been God’s way of tangibly saving my life.
So, to the clear the air, this doesn’t happen (honestly, I don’t think anything like this has ever happened) regularly, we spend a lot of our time laughing, we kiss our kids at least 5,000 times a day, and we generally have a really good time.
I’m not an unstable person 99% of the time.
I was given a medication that has been reported to be incredibly dangerous when mixed with bipolar disorder and mood stabilizers.
I just weaned off a medication that sent me into a full blown manic state on top of all of this.
Sunday had all of the ingredients to produce a perfect storm.
I’m actually feeling tons better.
It took me about two days to get my legs back under me.
I feel like I’m back to normal.
Thanks for your concern, though.