Owning Your Traumatic Beginnings

Due to a serious placental abruption, I was moments from death; my mother felt the cut, heard me cry, and then surrendered to the anesthesia.

An emergency C-section isn’t anyone’s ideal way of giving birth, but you do what you must for survival.

I didn’t have cesarean births, but from what I’ve been told, the recovery can be brutal. My poor mom had to endure the vertical cut rather than the low, horizontal cut most women receive during a C-section.

After I was born, my mom suffered from a terrible bout with postpartum depression. Her overwhelming sadness, fear, and panic was swept aside by my dad and grandma(his mom). She was told it was just the “baby blues.”

It lasted for a couple of years, and she had no voice to put to it. The narrative of postpartum depression was just emerging into the mainstream culture. 

My mom’s diagnosis came from an episode of Oprah that highlighted the subject. 

I imagine when an inmate who’s been locked in solitary confinement finally is let out and catches that first glimmer of sunlight would be a similar experience to what my mom felt.

Raw. Emotional. Liberated.

It’s freeing to give voice to the inner battle that is waging within the darkest compartments of our hearts and minds. 

I read every book my small suburban library had on pregnancy and childbirth when I was pregnant with my first, and in some book, I can’t for the life of me remember the name of, I came across the term Limbic Imprint.

The Limbic System is the part of your brain that is associated with emotion. The psychology behind limbic imprinting is that your limbic system is affected by things during pregnancy, at birth, and in the 4th trimester.

For instance, my mom had a traumatic delivery with me and a difficult postpartum time, and that stressful experience may have wired my limbic system to have emotional issues. 

Of course this wasn’t my mom’s fault, but to me, this makes sense. I’ve always felt like my birth story was a major part of my identity and a part of my overall life story.

Knowing where my story began, owning it, and sharing it helps drive me to strive toward life of mental wellness.

Thanks for hanging out with me tonight. Im recovering from a crazy day. Take minute to read up on limbic imprinting. It seems a little out there, but it resonates with me.

Sleep tight!

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